First Year 15

(image courtesy of The Cookie Blog)

I once read this ridiculous article in Maxim about stages in your girlfriend or wife’s life in which she will undeniably gain weight. I can’t even believe this genius idea for an article got approved (or that I read it, for that matter), but moving past that…

One of the ones that stuck out in my mind was “Your wife or girlfriend’s first year at an office job”. I remember reading this in college thinking: “Hmmm, really? That sucks. I guess it makes sense. You’re sitting in a chair all day doing next to nothing.” But then I realized: Wait. I do that now, but I drink about 3 nights more a week than what is socially acceptable and I eat fatty sorority food. How can my first year at an office job be any worse than that?

Well, I answered my question today. I had the epiphany as I stared at the desk next to me that was piled high with a box of cookies, a gigantic bowl of candy, a larger-than-life bag of pretzels…. need I go on? THIS is the reason for the weight gain, my friends. The damn snacks! Why does everyone feel the need to bring in the leftover fudge brownies they made with their kids last weekend (I mean I love it, but I hate it), or the platter of leftover goodies from an all-day meeting? It’s to tempt you, and test you. And clearly, judging by Maxim’s intelligent and informed article, most women fail.

Leave a Reply